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Oct. 14th, 2006 @ 10:26 pm Words of Nephren-Ka

AUF WIEDERSEHN

The Mask Wearer
NyarlathoTAP
Sep. 26th, 2006 @ 09:01 am I DISBELIEVE! *THUD*
So, here's the story, back from the olden days of D&D (back in high school). We had your typical party, I think. Ranger, rogue, monk, paladin, wizard and necromancer (keep in mind, this from from before I joined the group). Now, the party was traveling along, when suddenly they opened a door and saw a brick wall directly behind it.

Here's what this actually meant: The DM told me after the event that somehow, in the process of drawing the map of the dungeon, he'd forgotten to put a room behind this door and didn't realize it until that moment. Rather than trying to come up with a room on the fly (which rarely turns out well), he put a wall there.

What the necromancer thought this meant: It was an illusionary wall. He dropped his head and charged at the wall shouting "I DISBELIEVE". He took a d6 of damage (at first level), lost a point of Intelligence and was knocked out for a few hours.

Haw.
The Mask Wearer
Trigger Happy
Sep. 21st, 2006 @ 08:42 pm Reassembling the Language
Tags:
Having gained more experience in the world, I have come nearly full circle to determine that should you want to develop a serious drinking problem, learning assembly language is not the way to do it. Instead, you should learn assembly if you'd like to develop several psychotic disorders.

As I have said in the past, this language is called "Assembly" because you write a text file which can be "assembled" into machine language, the only language your computer can understand. However, I caution you that assembly is like Chinese; there are different dialects of assembly, those being Intel, Motorola, MIPS, Risk, Haft, Australopithecus and Napoleon Dynamite. The differences are cosmetic and mostly one of preference, although Napoleon Dynamite requires you to insert the obstrusive GOSH and SWEET directives every ten to twenty lines, while Australopithecus looks as though it was written by someone mashing their head against the input device, normally a keyboard or sacrifical alter.

Practically, the only commonly spoken dialects today are Intel, Motorola and MIPS. Haft has been wiped out in genocide and Australopithecus can only be found scratched into cave walls, likely by bashing a skull against them. Risk lives on in its child dialect RISC (although some will argue that RISC is in fact an architectural standard. Frankly, these people are idiots). Napoleon Dynamite can often be found, but few people take it seriously. GOSH.

Presently, there are attempts to "assemble" the three major dialect into one superlanguage. Unfortunately, this has proven impossible due to differences in vocabulary, as well as disagreements as to whether numbers should be counted forward or backward, a commonly dividing factor in the Intel dialect. A new dialect known as Cell has recently surfaced, but maybe people think it's too concerned with pretty art and not enough about conquest. Whether or not it will catch on is yet to be seen, but it's not too likely. After all, Haft was genocided out of existence, and Risk came close, so it's obviously only a matter of time until one of them reigns supreme.

Or else a civilized language like Objective C will wipe out of them out through enviromental destruction and assimilation, because Objective C is widely known to be spoken by dicks. Perhaps venerable assembly will be written out of history, never to be used again. Or, more likely, Obective C's attempts at domination will be met with a single, and defiant

SWEET
The Mask Wearer
NyarlathoTAP
Sep. 7th, 2006 @ 08:54 pm Something I found interesting
Dwight D. Eisenhower, in his farewell address to the nation, January 17, 1961, cautioned that, "We must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex...", and continued to say that, "Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together."

How many of us learned about the relationship by industry and the military in high/secondary school?
The Mask Wearer
Elder Sign
May. 11th, 2006 @ 01:24 am Chronicles of FIRE
Serious. Here are three photos I took of the backyard when I first moved in, August, 2003:

Warning: Graphic intensiveCollapse )
The Mask Wearer
NyarlathoTAP
Apr. 26th, 2006 @ 12:06 pm Words of Nephren-Ka
If you were intending to buy an iPod for US$300.00, you could instead buy:
  • eleven days of rent for a 2-bedroom terraced house in central England
  • one thousand, one hundred and twenty-three 420g tins of Tesco value baked beans
  • thirty haircuts
  • two second-hand 28" CRT televisions
  • seven kilograms of cheese
  • one half of a low-end camcorder
  • three felt bowler hats
  • fifty kilograms of honey
  • one hundred and sixty-eight pints of horrible beer at some sort of happy-hour thing
  • one sixtieth of an elephant
What are you thinking of buying?
I might buy for



That's, a lot of cheese.
The Mask Wearer
Trigger Happy
Apr. 26th, 2006 @ 02:28 am New learning
According to the California Penal Code § 12050:
Where the population of the county is less than 200,000 persons the licensing authority may issue a license to carry a pistol, revolver or other firearm capable of being concealed upon the person, loaded and exposed.


Counties where such a license may be issued (as of July 1, 2000):
-Alpine
-Calaveras
-Colusa
-Del Norte
-El Dorado
-Glenn
-Humboldt
-Imperial
-Inyo
-Kings
-Lake
-Lassen
-Madera
-Mariposa
-Mendocino
-Modoc
-Mono
-Napa
-Nevada
-Plumas
-San Benito
-Shasta
-Siskyou
-Sutter
-Tuolumne
-Yolo
-Yuba


In other words, most counties in California (the population tends to concentrate around major metropolitan areas). Butte county, at present time, exceeds the minimum population requirement, although I would argue that few people in Butte county feel any great need to openly carry a pistol, revolver or other firearm capable of being conceal upon their person (exactly what fits into this catagory, is basically everything).

Then again, here in the city of Chico, where it is a criminal offense, punishable by a $500 fine, to detonate within the city limits, either directly or indirectly, any type of nuclear (but not thermonuclear) device, maybe people showing off their Colts in public should be the least of our worries. I really doubt that a fine of $500 is gonna stop the Reds (by which, I mean North Korea). Of course, that assumes they can get their bombs over here that we would need to stop them. Given that North Korea's current nuclear delivery system consists of 48 men and a fleet of 10 beat-up taxi cabs, seven motorbikes, 23 scooters, six rickshaws (five of which are missing wheels) and one ox-powered cart (without ox), I don't think we have much to worry about. Especially since the entire method of moving these warheads requires pushing them downhill and hoping their vehicle doesn't tip over, hit a tree, become stuck in the mud or otherwise be rendered unable to move.

Pakistan has a similar system, except that the presence of petrolum-based fuel in that region allows them to actually power the vehicles, eliminating the need for a steep hill.

India's ballistic delivery system is far more advanced, utilizing a telescope and a giant slingshot. Recently, security has been tightened up in light of evidence that Pakistan may be developing their own slingshots (telescopes remain a far off dream).

Iran's proposed system involves strapping a rocket to the warhead, strapping the warhead to your penis and then riding it across the desert into the intended target, in mimicry of Slim Pickens. This is by far the most hardcore and also the most idiotic system ever conceived.

Spain is launching a new delivery system in which warheads will be cleverly disguised as charging bulls. It is not yet known how they will keep these bulls from targeting Spanish matadors.

Japan's current nuclear weapons program is limited to Godzilla. Destruction of expansions to this system by Godzilla ensure that he will maintain his monopoly for a number of years.

The ballistic missile systems employed by China and Russia are considerably more advanced, able to reach any location in the world. It has been determined that of all the missiles launched, about half will reach their intended targets, while the other half will turn around and hit the silo they left from.

The systems used by the United States (and it's allies, mainly Great Britain) are the second-most advanced. A full three-quarters of the missiles launched will hit their intended targets. To ensure that these missiles will reach their targets, they will be calibrated using the remain quarter, which will consequently all be launched at either France or Quebec; it is only known that they will land on another planet that few people will miss much.

The most advanced weapon system the world, indeed the universe, has ever seen, however, rests firmly in the hands of the Vatican. This weapon is, of course, the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. Provided the guy throwing it does not forget to count to three (and definitely not five), it ensures that in any global conflict, the Vatican will come out on top after Switzerland, which is currently planning to build a giant shield to protect the entire country, composed entirely of banks entirely made from chocolate, from blast, heat, radiation and fallout, all of which would melt or otherwise entirely ruin the entire country made entirely of banks entirely made of chocolate.


Note: The infomation above not be accurate, but should be considered completely factual as there is currently no evidence to the contrary.
Note: Attempting to display, state, publish or otherwise make known evidence to the contrary will render the make-knowner as targeted for termination. The Governor of California will thus be sent back in time to ensure the make-knowner never attempts to display, state, publish or otherwise make known evidence to the contrary. Results may vary.
Note: The above note may be not factual.
Note: Please stand by. This entry is currently experiencing minor Godzilla-related technical difficulties. This issue will be resolved as soon as the Japan Self-Defense Force rebuilds Mecha Godzilla.
Note: Duck!
Note And cover!
The Mask Wearer
NyarlathoTAP
Apr. 25th, 2006 @ 04:20 pm Words of Nephren-Ka
In 1999, Thompson represented the parents of Bryce Kilduff, an 11-year old boy who committed suicide, hanging himself allegedly to imitate Kenny, a character from the Comedy Central series South Park, which Bryce, according to his parents, had never watched. Thompson called for Comedy Central to stop marketing the show and toys based on the series to children. "You see, the whole show--thrust of the show is it's--it's cool for kids to act like the characters in South Park."



I guess no one told Jack Thompson that South Park is a social commentary criticizing people like Jack Thompson.
The Mask Wearer
NyarlathoTAP
Apr. 23rd, 2006 @ 12:21 am Words of Nephren-Ka
Some of you may already know, but Friday morning, incorrigible_j's dog Valkyrie died from a seizure; the vet wasn't able to save her.

Now, many of us have or have had dogs. And those of us in this group know that just because they can't speak and have fur doesn't make them any less of a family member. Those of us in this group understand that the death of a dog is no different from the death of any other family member.

We know that a family member being a dog does not make their death any less painful.



No less painful than a silver tongue makes the truth any less truthful.
The Mask Wearer
NyarlathoTAP
Apr. 22nd, 2006 @ 02:26 pm Words of Nephren-Ka
Events
1753 - February 17 is followed by March 1 as Sweden moves to the Gregorian from the Julian calendar.
1933 - The Blaine Act ends Prohibition in the United States.
1958 - Pope Pius XII declares Saint Clare of Assisi (1193~1253) the patron saint of television
Births
1844 - Aaron Montgomery Ward, American department store founder
1888 - Otto Stern, German physicist, Nobel Prize laureate
Deaths
197 - Clodius Albinus, Roman usurper (killed in battle)
1982 - Thelonious Monk, American jazz pianist
The Mask Wearer
NyarlathoTAP